After I physically recovered from the accident, it took several more weeks before I acted like myself again. Acted. Truth is, I know I never recovered from it. I even went to therapy several times which was something only my superiors and Katagiri knew about. Even when learning of a rumor that he did it to financially help his daughter with his life insurance, I was too confused and lost to heal from it. In reality, I only blamed myself more for the accident and I never learned how to forgive myself for what happened, but I was needed.
I couldn't be depressed and so I pushed those feelings back and all that pain with it where I could ignore it all. Seeing this all over again wasn't making it very easy.
I stopped living life for myself and became someone else entirely, without thought, without passion, and without love. I miss the way I use to be. I don't really understand what started it all, maybe just taking on too much pain and blaming myself for things that were beyond my own control instead of dealing with it. Eventually, it got too much and I guess you could say it killed me back then when I was him.
But, I can't seem to get passed it. Will I ever even if I am now realizing it?