Starting therapy again tomorrow. Even though I have talked to her over the phone already, that first day is always weird to me. That "introduction" day. It is important to establish a relationship with your therapist and you can really only do that by opening up. But damn it feels weird.
Sitting there in a chair next to a box of tissues on the first day and just rambling off: "My name is Meagan, I'm 26, and single. I'm not sexually active and I am not even dating. Yes, I tried to kill myself back in high school. (Ramble off how) No, I didn't go to the hospital after. No, my mother still doesn't know about this. No, I haven't considered suicide since. No, I haven't thought about cutting myself in a long time either. I was in therapy immediately after my suicide attempt for a few months. . ." And on and on and on.
When meeting someone new, you don't open the closet and shove out all your problems both current and past onto the person. So no matter how many times I have had to sit down and go through everything with a new therapist, it always feels weird. Especially when I discuss my suicide attempt. As much as I don't mind sharing it with people (because I see it as something to learn from), I always wonder if they fully believe me when I say, "No, I haven't thought about trying since."
My new therapist is named Maren. She asked me to come in with a list of goals I have for therapy. Even though I am use to being asked, "Why are you here?" and essentially, that is the same. . .thinking of it in terms of "goals" is already making me think about it differently. I don't know why.