Original character Phen in the style of Dr. Seuss. . .



Pffffft. AH HA HA HA. It amuses me so much, I don't know why. ♥ I want to try drawing other characters to look like Dr. Seuss characters. I am actually quite proud of this!

Oh, Phen. I hope I can draw him in MY style when I am all done with this.

Edit: Finally! Made 150 new icons. Now the difficult task of cutting out 149 of my current icons to get these new ones uploaded. :D

Got lost working on an Art Meme from deviantArt. Pick a character and draw them in 16 different styles. A lot of fun and a bi of a challenge.

Drawing "Simpsons" style was weird. My brain struggles with deconstructing it so most of the time I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Yet I got something done that looks. . .kind of freaky. Freaky because even if I try to mimic an art style, I feel like I still see "me" in it.

Anyway, working on the "Marvel" style and I am spending a ton of time on it. I've tried drawing that style many times before and fail. So. . .I am getting lost into really trying hard. ( Where Naruto and One Piece style I was pretty much like. . .whatever. )

I'm tired. Going to bed. But I posted a WIP of my Marvel style. I picked Phen for my subject. He looks really weird, but not bad. X3;; ( Fake Cut to Drawing )

One thing is for sure, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW to make Marvel style look "Androgynous" as Phen is supposed to come off as sometimes. HE LOOKS VERY MANRY.

Whenever I read the name "Dearka" I want to shout it out like how ( I think ) Yawaru shouts out "BIIILKAAAA!" in Nazca. It has been so long, I don't remember who's voice that is in my head shouting "BIIILLLKAAAAA!"

DEEEAAARKAAAAAA!

I don't know why.

Anyway. Anyone know of a good File Searching program I can download? I fucking hate the search ability on Vista and can't take it anymore.

I tried Google desktop, but that doesn't seem to be helpful. Right now using InSight, which is okay. . .but I don't like how it displays the search.

THIS is basically what I am trying to do. If I know the name of the folder or file, I do a search. I want it to come up. PRETTY GODDAMN BASIC. And no. I haven't been able to figure out how to accomplish this simple task in Windows Vista.

Using the search box in the start menu, using the search box in explore, and using advanced search in explore. It doesn't matter. It won't show me damn folders. ( And in some cases will show me a ton of files that don't even have the search word in the filename. )

If I check "Include non-indexed, hidden, and system files", sometimes it will come up. Sometimes it just crashes my search because it takes so long.

So. Ideas?

I actually have some work to do today. Going to try and make it last as long as possible. It will probably take an hour.

Made two new icons last night and discovered I have 20 left to reach my goal of 150 new ones! I feel like I am seriously lacking in Gundam 00 icons. . .but specifically Graham. I just have a lot of Allelujah, Sumeragi, and Billy.

I'm thinking if I want my Graham icons, it will require me to watch Season 1 and make screencaps of my own. I've been cheating and using screencaps I find online. I was very sad by the quality of Amatsuki caps and the amount of Ouran ones out there.

Seriously. I downloaded a couple thousand screencaps of Amatsuki caps and they were all blurry. What? Why go through that trouble if you can get a good cap? Argh. I mean, I know. The person who did that put in a lot of work. A lot of work for a thousand blurry caps. Managed to use a couple for icons, though.

I have a super cute Joshua one from a doujin that makes me proud to be a Washingtonian. lol, salmon.

SALMON!

20 icons left.

Does anyone watch survivor? ( Cut for Survivor Stuff )

Kama Sutra.

1 minute ago: I was reading old LJ entries and tagging them.
1 hour ago: I was reading older LJ entries and tagging them.
1 day ago: Went to my job, tagged LJ entries, went home, and RPed.
1 year ago: Looking at my LJ it seems I did a different survey and never finished ( I have it set to private ) and answered one of those Writer's Blocks on LJ.

( On with the survey )

Yet another bad and disturbing dream hit me up last night.

It was very dark overall. I remember it centered around this young looking boy. Maybe around the age of 7 or 8. He would begin to convulse and start to change. The head of a chihuahua and his skin would become like leather and wrinkle, and he would grow large claws on his feet, making horrible noises.

Everytime he would do that I would run to be with him, try to pick him up, and get him to stop. He clawed me a few times. He would eventually stop and become the boy again.

Another person in the dream kept explaining that he was possessed and would frantically dig through boxes for something to help.

At one point when I was dressing one of my wounds, I looked over to see the boy panting hard. He then sat straight up and looked at me, his eyes going completely black. He had a very disturbing stare.

It felt very real, but I convinced myself it was a dream and forced myself away. When I fell back asleep again, I would see the boy and force myself awake yet again. I did this twice before I started dreaming about something else.

I'm posting this everywhere I can. There is particularly one paragraph I want to highlight from the article:

Because we now know that when one mom goes to work, takes out the trash, and cooks dinner, and the other mom fixes the car, does the laundry, and coaches soccer, their kids learn that their own potential has nothing to do with gender, or sexuality.

So could it be that children actually benefit from having gay parents? And if heterosexual families start following suit, living a less gender-dictated life, well then what happens? If we, gay and straight alike, shrug off the influence of gender stereotypes, don't we emerge as more authentic versions of ourselves? How bad can that be?

One of the things I hated so much growing up was hearing that I couldn't do something simply because I am a girl.

Anyway. This is from Change.org: "The Kids are Alright: New Studies Prove Same-Sex Parents Rock."

I look forward to the day when we drop the "same-sex" label we apply to things and simply use "parents", "family", and "marriage". Just like how the majority of people don't use "interracial parents", "interracial family", and "interracial marriage" today.

I had a weird and horrible dream last night.

In my dream there was a council or group of people that could control everyone else. They decided to do some sort of experiment on me. . .to see if I could be conditioned to stay in a certain area using some new device they had.

Basically it created invisible walls that once touched would send an electric shock. They confined me to my bed. They were also "one way". Things could enter just fine, but not leave.

I didn't seem to mind at first. My bed is very comfy. I had my cellphone and a stuffed animal. I was warm. It did get a bit depressing though as my window near by overlooked a beach and I could see people I knew heading out to it.

Then I spotted it. A very large spider at the far corner of my room. Think the size of my hand. I stared at it and watched it come down. I grew tense and moved to the farthest corner of my bed, but it kept getting closer. I took out my cellphone and started calling for my parents. No answer. I just kept calling. Soon I began shaking as it started to crawl up the side of my bed and screaming for help.

The spider came in and is seemed to "rustle" at me and then spit at me. I dodged and it was a web that stuck to the invisible wall and fizzled.

I began hyper ventilating, screaming, and with my cellphone, quickly "stabbed" it the best I could. I successfully killed it, but even so, I didn't feel better. I curled into a ball at one corner and just cried nonstop.

Eventually my dad showed up and I pleaded for him to remove the spider. He did and he left me. I cried more and then I couldn't take it. I decided to see if I could leave. . .how bad of a shock could it be.

I passed through the wall without any problem and then woke up.

Therapy is making me recognize how much I don't express myself ( in several ways on several aspects ) in fear of being judged or thought of in a bad light. I guess that is the next hurdle I need to overcome in my life.

Past month I have felt like I do want to be "Out Loud and Proud". But. Regarding my belief in gods. The past year or so I have met some fascinating atheists online. . .including one who helped me overcome my fear of hell back when I considered myself Agnostic still. It has slowly made me want to be more open about it in the real world. I know I can still be respectful to other people's beliefs at the same time, I mean I am not talking snapping at people who say "God bless you" to me or wishes me a Merry Christmas. ( Because that's just silly. I'll get snippy when people correct me for not saying that to them. )

I just want to wear some shirts and I love the Scarlet Letter A. And I don't know, I just don't want to worry about it. I tend to say I don't like talking about my belief in god, but. . .that's not really true. I want to be open about it. I don't want to hide it and that's all I ever do.

Someone pointed me to a group in Spokane that meets once a month. Called "Spokane Secular" and I look forward to going to the next one to meet some new people.

What prompted this LJ write up was twitter. Poking around I found an interesting hashtag "#youmightbeanatheist" and had to peek through some of the entries. One made me laugh and I wanted to retweet it. I probably sat there for 10 minutes trying to work up the courage to do so. I don't know. I was imagining the majority of my followers getting all upset with me. Eventually I did anyway: #youmightbeanatheist if you wonder why God, being omniscient, gets angry about a sequence of events He already knew about.

There were some other cute ones.

In the news recently was the atheist billboard "Don't believe in God? You're not alone." and it mentioned some people were upset. As far as other billboards I have seen in the past. . .I think this one is very nice. Yet still. . .

Leo Turman saw the sign.  He said, "I am offended by it, because that is attacking someone's belief."

I actually find it very comforting.

ARGH. I want new icons now! And looking at my icons, I have 200 now on LJ. :D Yay. Anyway, I've been making icons like mad with the goal of making 150 new ones to swap out.

Here's what I got done so far. 117!

Misc: 10
Phoenix Wright: 23
TV: 6
Movie: 7
Utena: 3
Shugo Chara: 5
Tsubasa RC: 13
xxxHolic: 2
RG Veda: 4
Magna Carta: 1
Loveless: 1
Gundam Wing: 1
Card Captors: 3
Hetalia: 1
Gundam 00: 21
Ouran: 8
Amatsuki: 7

I'm running out of ideas on what to make icons out of. D:

And yes, I have one of Hetalia. Which I want to type out as Hentalia. It's just America standing in front of the American flag with a thumbs up and a sparkle on his smile. I hate to say it, but whenever I see that picture I just want to throw my fist into the air and yell, "FUCK YEAH, AMERICA!" It makes me so happy. I don't know why. And I'm sorry. IT AMUSES ME SO MUCH.

I love being me. ♥ A screencap of my tweetdeck. Remember, with twitter you read from bottom to top. X3



And I would say it with the very same smile Klavier has in my icon, too.

I'm such a brat, I love it.

I wrote a rambley long LJ entry and I don't have the courage to post it publicly. I hate it when I do that.

Oh well. Parents are supposed to come up today and stay over night. But I haven't heard from them so I have no idea when they are showing up. Last week I removed a ton of boxes and packing stuff, so my place looks somewhat okay. Still a mess, but a reasonable mess.

So as I wait for my parents my options are. . .clean more. Work on icons. Or work on fic. Hmmm. Decisions decisions.

Or even nap. I ONLY GOT MAYBE 5 HOURS OF SLEEP and I was up at 6:00am on a SATURDAY! Ha ha ha. It's all good, though. ♥ I wouldn't have done it if I didn't have good reason and desire to.

THE ♥OTP MEME


Who do you ship me with~? ;3

Been working on my fic and I loooove it. I don't care if no one else does. It has taken a completely different turn than expected.

Though, I'm a "genius". Mad at myself because of it. I thought ahead, and had a good short conversation in my mind and now I can't remember how it went. I just remember one line, Graham telling Bushido "And remember, you were once me."

Yes, I write the weirdest things. It's Bushido kind of hallucinating and "talking to himself". ( This was originally my birthday gift to myself lol. )

Almost done!

Though I realize I have NO idea what to title it. I usually don't have that problem.

Someone linked me to an article about furries. Well written ( could have been better. ) and an okay attempt to point out that it isn't all about yiffing or even all about dressing up in a fursuit! Even though, for once, it wasn't an article bashing furries or highlighting or playing up sex. . .

I just gotta get this off my chest. It is something that has been bothering me for several years and just never had the spine to say and point out. I've heard so many complaints/whines/sneers towards furries over the years by several people who only seem to fixate on the sex. People saying these things, to me. I never understood why people felt so comfortable to say these things. . .to me. Because,

Hi.

I'm Meagan.

I draw and depict myself as a walking, talking, genderless rabbit who feels and expresses human emotions named Anibunny. This same rabbit has not only been drawn in random and riduclous situations interacting with people ( or other walking talking animals ), but also been used to show things that have actually happened in my life.

Never seems to cross a person's mind that they might be pissing me off or saying something that I find offensive.

I didn't update LJ once yesterday. Woah. And I usually update four or five times. AMAZING. Bet ya'all had a party.

Anyway. The first half of yesterday, SUCKED. Nothing was working, I spent like two hours trying to do something at work that would take only ten minutes normally. If even that. And some other stuff wasn't working and just, argh. The second half got a bit better as some code that seemed "too easy to be true" was actually as easy as it seems and it is so super cool. ♥

I started off my Christmas shopping! Found something cute for my dad. I really need to make a list of everyone I want to buy things for and budget hardcore, yo.

And then I turn around and splurge money on myself. Okay. While looking for another friend, I found the CUTEST purse. It's widdle, and funky looking, and has a cute widdle sushi guy on it. And, well, the person I had in mind would blink at me and ask how she was supposed to use it. ( Because it is so small and I seem to be the only person who wants the smallest purse possible. ) So I got it for myself. It wasn't that much. $8.

Then it has been ages since I searched for Graham things. Oh god, doujin I hadn't seen before. One in particular that I have scans for that I told myself I would buy if I ever found it because oh god, it is so awesome. The art is awesome and it is the only Billy/Graham doujin I have seen where I thought Graham was, well, Graham.

But then I found a general Union doujin. GENERAL. UNION. Not General 00 doujin, UNION. JUST UNION. Not porn, just crack. Delicious and wonderful UNION crack. And the art is awesome. So I had to buy it. The only way a doujin could get better than that is to have my 00 OTP. ♥ ( Which will never ever ever happen. )

Been doing some unpacking and much needed cleaning. Which means I haven't touched my Apollo Justice *woe* What a difference it makes to break down all the empty boxes and bag all the packing materials. Far from done. And I have been focusing on my kitchen and living room so my bedroom is still an awful mess.

Also, DID ANYONE WATCH SURVIVOR?! OH MY GOD, YES!

THE GUNDAM ART EXCHANGE IS OVER. So I can post my art up! Yay~

I'm just going to be posting links to my dA. ♥

Title: Mansion Sunset ( Progress )
Rating: PG
Pairing: Billy/Bushido

Title: Ages 12 and Up
Rating: G
Characters: Season 1 Gundam Meisters

I told my therapist how I think my mother will react to my sexuality. How it's like I have failed her yet again. She asked, "How does that make you feel?" I couldn't think of an answer. I couldn't tell how I felt.

The words that, "I will never be good enough." didn't hurt anymore.

I've known for a while. . .that I will never be good enough for my mother. Yet, I kept trying. For whatever reason, I simply couldn't stop searching for her approval.

All day I asked myself, "Why can't I stop?" I feel like that's all I ever ask. And then, for whatever reason, I asked myself. . ."Why is it so important?"

It's. Not.

And then I got it.

I will never be good enough for my mother. And that's okay. I need to live my life to my standard. To reach the bar I set for myself. Not the bar she sets for me.

And what's great is that there will be people in this world who will come in and out of my life who will help me reach that bar. Simply because they want to. It doesn't matter who these people are. . .all that matters is if I find the courage to let them help me.

I will never be good enough for my mother. And that's okay. The only person who needs to believe that I am good enough, is myself.

I never thought I could ever forgive my mother for being the person she is.

I forgive her.

( It took me an hour and a half to write and post this, as I haven't been able to stop crying for the past two hours. I'm that happy. )